he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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