he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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