I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
