I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
