Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize