I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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