So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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