i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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