he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize