I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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