Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
