Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
