Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
