oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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