Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
