theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
