I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
