Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
