I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
