I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
