i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
