i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
