Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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