pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize