My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
