there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
