you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize