i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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