just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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