Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
