honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize