I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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