you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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