just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
