I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
