im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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