my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
