whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
