Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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