actually, I'm a sock model
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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