Already got asked if we're dating
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
