Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
