woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
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