i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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