i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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