I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
