Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
