Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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