I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
