so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
