you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize