how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize