just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think i got beer on your cat.
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