from now on my penis is your penis
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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