just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
