You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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