good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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