just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
