SEEEEXXX PLEASE
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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