This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
