I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
