just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
