1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
