Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
