What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
